When a loved one dies, we hear those around us talk about the grieving process or say things like 'that's because you're grieving'. But, what exactly is grief? It's not something we are taught about in school or college, it is only something we learn about by experience. This is what makes you guys experts by experience.
Its important to understand that grief is as individual as a snowflake and that many factors can affect this. For example, your personality, your culture & faith, your relationship with your loved one and possibly the circumstances surrounding how they died. Therefore, we must be understanding and accepting of how grief looks and feels for each person.
So, what do you think grief is? What does it look and feel like to you? Maybe there were certain thoughts, feelings, behaviours and physical symptoms you experienced or are experiencing because of your grief.
Share them below - we'd love to read them!
Happy New Year… but, how can I be happy when I’m entering a new year without them?!
New Years, you either love it or hate it. But, New Years can be especially hard when grieving the loss of a loved one. Whether that be leaving behind the year that you lost them in, or just entering a whole other year without them again. Just like Christmas, new year is filled with joy, love, and celebrations galore. But, how could you ever view it that way when your most favourite person isn’t physically coming with you. It’s important to know that it’s ok if you don’t like New Years because of this. It’s equally ok to love New Years and find comfort in being around those closest to you. Let your entry into 2022 look whatever way feels right to you.
We deeply hope that you feel your loved one’s presence around you more than ever before. Although they cannot be with you how you hoped, or imagined.. your loved one is and always will be more of you than you know.
You can never truly lose someone you love. They are wrapped in every fibre and piece of your being and they always will be. Aslong as you live, so will their love and legacy. Look after yourself this New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. If you’re needing someone to talk to, send us an email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk and a bereaved young person will get back to you as soon as possible. The Cruse, free helpline is also open over the weekend from 10am-2pm on: 0808 808 1677.
Sending love and warm thoughts as always,
Team Hope Again.
National Grief Awareness Week 2021
National Grief Awareness Week (2nd-8th December 2021)
We stand with all the organisations taking part this week to raise awareness for those facing one of the most difficult times in their lives.
Although grief can feel deep and isolating - you’re never alone. There is a whole community of individuals out there missing someone very special. They understand what it’s like to walk alongside grief everyday. Cruse are here for any adult, young person or child needing bereavement support.
Specifically, our Hope Again website is here for bereaved children and young people- we’ve created a safe space for them to navigate their way through their grief journey: https://www.hopeagain.org.uk.
Our message is to look after yourself and know that you matter and so do your feelings. If you are not bereaved, be a grief ally to someone when they need it most.
If you or someone you know needs to talk, you/they can reach out for support via-
Free helpline: 0808 808 1677
Our children and young person email: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk
CruseChat, to speak with a trained bereavement volunteer online: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/crusechat/.
Coexistence in our grief - Part One: Sadness and Joy
Many things can coexist in our grief. Grief is not linear, it’s not black and white with a list of thoughts and feelings we must tick off along the way. This means that it’s ok to feel both ends of the spectrum when missing someone special. Examples of things that can coexist include, sadness and joy, hurt and love and lastly, grief and hope. This will be a 3-part blog, exploring the different thoughts and feelings that may seem like opposites, but in actual fact can peacefully coexist together in your grief.
First up this week is sadness and joy. We are allowed to feel deep sadness when someone we love has died. Sadness is one of the key emotions many people express that they feel in their grief. Sadness can be described as an emotional pain associated with, or characterised by, feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, grief, helplessness, disappointment and sorrow. Sadness can be seen in many shapes and forms in our grief. This can be a physical show of grief such as crying, it could be having sad thoughts or it could be behaving in a certain way due to sadness . However, sadness can coexist with joy. It’s sounds strange, you might be thinking, ‘how can I ever feel joy about the death of my loved one?’. The truth is, there is so much space for joy in your grief. It is said that joy can be described as great happiness or pleasure. You might feel joy that your loved one is no longer suffering. You might feel joy upon reflection of the bond you share with your loved one and having them as part of your life, even after death.
On the other hand, you might also be thinking, ‘how can I ever feel joy again?’. Many young people express feeling guilt when they feel happiness and joy in their grief. They begin to question how they could ever be happy again and in a sense can feel their happiness is an injustice to the person that has died. Many young people tend to feel that feeling joy again is disrespectful to their loved one, as if it takes away from the value of their grief. This is untrue and in actual fact, your loved one would want you to be happy again. You can feel happiness after loss but still continue to love and miss your special person at the same time. The main message from this is that these things can and do coexist, and that one side of the coin does not hold more value than the other. Sadness is just as important as joy in your grief and vice versa.
In hindsight of it all, it’s important to remember that it is YOUR grief and YOUR loved one. You decide how you grieve and what grief looks like to you. You decide what thoughts and feelings can coexist together. Never feel guilty or ashamed of those feelings. It’s guaranteed, what you are feeling, another bereaved young person has felt too. Be in charge of your own grief and remember and honour your loved one whatever way feels right for you.
Remember, Cruse Bereavement Support and Hope Again are here to support you when you need it most. You can call our free national helpline on: 0808 808 1677 or email us and a bereaved young person will reply: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.
Gen-Z and end-of-life wishes in the UK
As a society old and young, we still hold many reservations around talking about death. This has led to stigma surrounding the topic and ultimately the grief which follows. Therefore, bereaved people of all ages may struggle to be supported in their grief as they feel unable to reach out when they need it most. Or, they can feel unsupported as the topic of death can be avoided leading to little education in how to support grieving individuals.
However, a recent study performed by Farewill asked 2,000 people their opinion on death and dying in the UK. Firstly, they found that the pandemic made 1 in 3 people more open to talking about death. Interestingly, from the 2,000 individuals, it was found that 63% of the Gen-Z participants were more open than any other generation to talk about their end-of-life wishes. The Gen-Z group are said to be those born between the years of 1997-2012.
It is refreshing to read something so positive about our societies younger generations. It shows that we do care and that we do want to have a say in how we die. Although we have been branded by many a spokesperson as ‘snowflakes’ - studies like this show that we want to take charge of our futures whilst also trying to shape the futures of those we love. By speaking out about topics such as death and dying, we are trying to break the mold and end the taboo which society has created for many years. The study also found that 1/4 people say they don’t talk about death and dying because, ‘no-one else does’ - point proven. The study further found that 18-34 year olds were less likely to want a traditional funeral (where guests wear black, there’s a eulogy, hymns and prayers, a black hearse) because of concerns around the impact on the environment. The increase in environmental activism we’ve seen over the last few years seems to have had an impact on attitudes to death too.
Although death and dying is a very sensitive topic to talk about, we can make the grieving process that little bit easier for those we love by letting them know what matters most to us for the last time.
If you’d like to read more of the report by Farewill, you can click here.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on this report, you can comment below what you think.
As always, if you are grieving - reach out for support. Cruse and Hope Again want to support you in the best way we can, you never have to grieve alone. If you’d like to speak to someone about how you are feeling, reach out to us via email anytime: hopeagain@cruse.org.uk.
You can also call the freephone Cruse helpline on: 0808 808 1677.
If you’re over 18, you may also like to chat with a trained bereavement counsellor by using the CruseChat on the Cruse website. Their services are open Monday-Friday, 9am-9pm.
Remember, you have a purpose in this world - even when you are grieving. You are braver than you think and stronger than you know.
